The Ramdev Cure for Homosexuality

If Baba Ramdev had his way, every gay man and woman would be ‘cured’ of their inappropriate ‘addiction’. How exactly does he plan to do it? By Arnesh Ghose

Since the Delhi High Court’s decision to decriminalize Section 377 in 2009, the revered Yoga and Ayurvedic master, Baba Ramdev has been hollering at every public gathering about how he can definitively ‘cure’ homosexuality.  Five years down the line, when gay sex is re-criminalised (it is also to be noted that his press secretary SK Tijarawala was one of the people who filed the PIL that demanded re-criminalisation), Baba Ramdev has been welcoming homosexual men and women to come to his ashram and be ‘treated’ of this ‘disease’. We decided to take him up on his invitation and find out how exactly he and his band of merry doctors plans to treat homosexuality.

“I invite them to my ashram. Two people belonging to opposite sex will be kept in one room for a few days and they will be cured of homosexuality,” he said, in a press conference on December 11^th, 2013. So, I sent a mail to his Yog Gram, formally called the Yog-Naturopathy-Panchkarma Treatment & Research Centre in Haridwar, enquiring about how a homosexual individual gets ‘admitted’ to the ashram for treatment. The admission form asked for details of ailment. I replied – I am a homosexual man. I would like to know what procedures Baba Ramdev is proposing for its cure. I want to be cured of Homosexuality. Please help.

I received a response within 3 working days.

Dear Sir/Madam,

After seeing your medical details. We regret that you have not been advised treatment at Yoggram.

Kindly contact in Patanjali Yogpeeth for Ayurvedic Treatment.

The grammatical errors were not the only things that surprised me. The organization was proposing an ayurvedic treatment for homosexuality. I immediately called the Patanjali Yogpeeth and mustered the best of my spoken Hindi skills.

A woman, probably a receptionist, took my call.

R – Namaste, Patanjali Yogpeeth. How can I help you?

AG – Namaste. I need to talk to one of the doctors regarding a treatment.

R – Have you been treated here before?

AG – No. This is my first time.

R – What is the problem?

AG – It is slightly personal. Can I talk to the doctor please?

R – If you don’t tell me the problem, I cannot connect you to anyone. Tell me your problem.

AG – (stammering a little, not knowing how to explain this in shuddh Hindi) Well…you know…I heard Baba Ramdev on TV telling everyone that he can cure homosexuality. I am gay and I would like to be cured.

R – What? What is your problem?

AG – You know…I am homosexual…gay…(I even tried a more common derogatory term)…and I would like to be cured. Baba Ramdev says that his ashram can cure people like me.

R – I don’t understand what you are saying. Symptoms kya hai?

AG – Symptoms?!

R – Haan, what are the symptoms?

AG – I told you…I am gay…can you connect me to a doctor please?

R – Aap pehle mujhko problem samjhaiye. What are the symptoms? Sir mein dard, pet mein dard, zukham, bukhaar…you should have some symptoms!

AG – I like men.

R – What?!

AG – That is the symptom. I like men. Mujhe mardon se yon sambandh karne ka ichha hota hai, auraton se nahi. (When she asked for symptoms, I Googled “hindi for sexual intercourse”. My very slow browser finally threw up a link. Yon sambandh it is).

A sharp intake of breath. Long pause. A cough.

R – Aap kal phone kijiye, before 1 PM or after 4 PM but before 5 PM. You can talk to the Vaid ji then. He is not available now.

The next day the call was received by a man. He said the Vaid ji was not available. I called up the day after and asked to be connected to the Vaid ji. The call was transferred.

V – Namaskar.

AG – Namaskar, Vaid ji.

V – Name?

AG – My name is Ravi Sharma (Obviously I get a fake name. This was my very first sting operation, people) and I am calling from Mumbai.

V – What is your problem?

AG – Vaid ji, I am gay. I heard Baba Ramdev on TV saying that he can cure homosexuality and I immediately reached out to you guys. I am very tensed and worked up, Vaid ji. I am not happy at all.

V – Hmm…gay…

AG – Yes…I like men…I want to like women, I want to become straight and normal like everyone else. I am very unhappy, please help. My parents are unhappy with me, they want me to get married and have children…I cannot live anymore like this…(my voice almost fake chokes with an overwhelming rush of emotion)

V – Hmm…

AG – I contacted the Yog Gram, but they said the problem has an ayurvedic treatment and asked me to contact here. What is the treatment? What do I do?

V – What is your age?

AG – 23.

V – Hmm…Ok, I will prescribe a medicine and you will see improvement.

AG – Really?

V – Take 2 capsules of Ashwashila twice a day with milk for a month. You can buy it from any local Patanjali store.

AG – Ashwashila?

V – Yes. And report about improvement after a month.

AG – That will be all?

V – Yes.

AG – I will start liking women?

V – Yes, yes…there will be definite improvement.

AG – (sounding elated) Thank you so much Vaid ji! Thank you so much. I will start the medication right away. I will report in a month’s time. What is your name, by the way?

V – XXXXXXXX Bansal.

AG – Okay Vaid ji. Thank you so much.

For the uninitiated, Ashwashila is an ayurvedic Viagra containing Ashwagandha (Withania Somnifera) and Shilajit (Asphaltum). The Patanjali Ashwashila capsules cost 300 bucks for a pack of 20. Like swamiramdevmedicines.com says, “It is a sex tonic which not only helps in overcoming body weakness but also increases the stamina to perform like a superman on bed.”

The story was published in Man’s World India, March 2014. Read the edited version here. 

Photo courtesy: Google images

The Good, Bad, and Ugly from Lakme Fashion Week Summer/Resort 2014…cont’d

The Ugly

Archana Kochhar

Digvijay Singh

Archana Kochhar

Digvijay Singh

DRVV

Jyotsna Tiwari

Nikhil Thampi

Sourabh Kant Srivastava

Shyamal and Bhumika

That jacket! Those shoes! (dies)

Photo courtesy: LFW

The Good, Bad, and Ugly from Lakme Fashion Week Summer/Resort 2014

Fashion Week was an extremely grueling experience this time. For starters, I tried to attend as many shows as possible over six days. S I X days of fashion, clothes, accessories, designers, celebrities, wannabe celebrities, buyers, media, publicists, makeup artists, well-dressed people, terrible disasters, women trying too hard, men trying too little and very gay men (do not get me wrong. Fashion is a homosexual’s favourite haven after all). I was exhausted by the end of it. But all was not well at Fashion Week this year. Honestly, majority of the work that I saw was below average. Either they were stuff done to death, or copied gimmicks, or rehashed older collections, or bizarre nonsense. I would like to especially congratulate Sneha Arora, Ragini Ahuja, Purvi Doshi and Huemn for the best collections of the season. Arora’s work with dirty linen, textile and interesting ink blot prints definitely stole the show, as did Ahuja’s excellent ethnic-flavoured collection of tie-and-dye and faux leather details. Purvi Doshi was light, feminine and interesting embroidery while Huemn was fresh and young with a wonderful new version of androgyny – dresses and sarees meet baseball jackets and jerseys.

Of the veterans, Rajesh Pratap Singh’s collection was a theatrical splendor of exquisite set design, light work, detailed makeup and hair and sharply cut clothes with interesting metallic embellishing and faux mirror work. Music, ambience and visual delight – he takes the crown for maximum drama.  Tarun Tahiliani, on the other hand, wowed the audience with his usual Indian bridal affair. Yes, he might not be offering anything new, but nothing matches his classical opulence.

The likes of Swapnil Shinde, Jade (Monica and Karishma), Nikhil Thampi, and Nishka Lulla played to their strengths and showcased mixed collections with more hits than misses. While Shinde’s use of Paithani must be appreciated, the use of the heart as a motif was a flop. Jade had some interesting pieces high on wearability until they went overboard with the bling. Nikhil Thampi screwed up with some hideous experiments with faux leather while Nishka Lulla broadly seemed to mistake ‘resort’ for ‘night time’.

Narendra Kumar definitely takes the cake for the worst collection along with Archana Kochhar, Jyotsna Tiwari (that terrible print!), and Shyamal and Bhumika (what was with the heavy embroidery on velvet?). They are closely followed by Digvijay Singh. This season’s hideous headwear king is Sourabh Kant Srivastava with his McQueen-ish collection. And DRVV? Let’s not even get into that.

Have a look at some pieces from LFW 2014 – The Good, Bad, and Ugly.

The Good

Ragini Ahuja

Quirk Box

Huemn

Purvi Doshi

Quirk Box

Sneha Arora

Huemn

Rajesh Pratap Singh

— Grand Finale —

Sanjay Hingu

The Bad

Sailex

Payal Singhal

Manish Malhotra

Jade

Swapnil Shinde

Photo courtesy: LFW

Big Mouth Diaries: I am Kashmir, You are Kanyakumari!

That wonderful thing called ‘Appam’

15th December, 2013: My family loves South Indian cuisine. Sambhar is a pretty staple dal in our kitchen and I have stopped finding any novelty in Idli-Dosa-Uttapams anymore. Recently though, after rustling up a lovely Kerala Style Roasted Chicken, I decided to savour it the way my Malayali brethren would. So, I toasted a few Appam from some left over Dosa batter (Yes, it is that common in my house. Dosa batter is ‘left over’), sat down on the floor and tucked in, while I watched a mindless Rajnikanth film dubbed in Hindi. Needless to say, I had to change the channel soon enough.

Few Indian breads are as healthy and heartening as the Appam. It complements meat and stews well, without being overbearing. The hot meat dishes find a lovely companion in the Appam, which creates a soft mush in the mouth, easy to chew and allows complete absorption of all flavours. And the best part is that you can have as many as you want without feeling stuffed or guilty! All in favour of Appam say ‘Aye’!

<This is where I say something smart in Malayali copied from Google Translate>

—

Kashmir

13th August, 2012: One of those places that I have been besotted with for the longest time is Kashmir. Other than the beauty of the valley and the wonderful people, the place is a food haven, with every family stocked up with distinct recipes. The cuisine is dual in nature. While some Kashmiri recipes can be extremely smooth and creamy with a nut and cream base for the gravy, others gravies are fiery and robust with their flavours, bursting in your mouth like a rustic folk circus. The creamier and sweeter Kashmiri gravies like the Kashmiri Aloo Dum have made it around the world. But on a daring expedition into the bylanes and narrow gullies of Srinagar, I found butch mutton and lamb kebabs with strong spices served on naans right out of a sheekh. And that was a brilliant introduction to the tastes of the Pathans.

In the houseboat that we were in, the owner’s family cooked up a lovely feast the night prior to our departure. Amongst other things, I clearly remember a very unique mutton preparation in white gravy with a strong set of spices that hit your neck but taste sour and lemony to the tongue. I have been snooping around for the recipe ever since, but in vain. Kashmir is a treasure trove, for all the right reasons.

So, I cooked a hot Kashmiri meat preparation called Kukkur Roganjosh. It is a slow cooking stew with simple spices beaten into yoghurt and then tossed into fried onion and garlic pastes. The meat and the gravy need time to allow all the flavours to seep in.

The result was delicious.

Big Mouth Diaries: Of Cakes and Some Lebanese Lovin’

Chocolate, Marry Me

10th October, 2013: I will always say ‘I do’ to that. This cake (can also be made as a pudding) was an absolute chameleon. It looks so terribly complex, tastes like heaven on a plate, and…wait for it…is darn simple to make. Honestly, if it was not simple, I would not be making it in the first place.

The star of this cake is the impeccable crust, which is a very unconventional baking trick. While getting an even crust is tough on the first try, it happens with the second or the third. And even if it does not, it always tastes amazing and that’s the best part.

Beat up a usual batter with flour, powdered sugar, cocoa, baking powder, a pinch of salt, milk, essence minus eggs till it is nice and creamy. The batter will be slightly thicker than a normal cake batter (dropping consistency) but that is necessary for the crust trick.

Now, in another bowl, mix sugar, cocoa and crushed walnuts, and put some water to boil. Just before popping the batter into the oven (after pre-heating it, of course), pour the hot water into the dry walnut mixture, stir, and pour the whole thing on the batter, evening it ever so slightly. It has to happen really fast.

Stir water into walnut mixture –> Pour on batter and even –> Pop into oven.

And when the thing comes out 40 minutes later, a delicious crust forms on top, a soft fudgy cake in between, and surprise-surprise – A gooey chocolate sauce forms at the bottom of it all. Isn’t that absolute magic?

Cut a slice and serve with thick hot chocolate or vanilla ice-cream and watch your friends or girlfriend/boyfriend tingle with pleasure. This is theobroma – Food for Gods.

—

With love, from Lebanon

13th June, 2012: An absolutely mad cap cake with left over pomegranate juice! It tastes very unusual, sweet and tangy at the same time. And the best bit is that, due to the juice, you don’t have to use any form of fat AT ALL. And that makes a cake healthy and tasty for a glutton like me!

The colour of the cake comes from the juice itself which reacts with the baking powder and reaches this weird hue. The batter will look bluish-grey, like something out of a Tim Burton film. That makes me happier.

It is succulent and soft and sugary. Also, do remember to use powdered/icing sugar as granulated sugar descends to the bottom, making a sugary crust beneath the cake.

Enjoy, a Burton style Pomegranate Cake – an original recipe from Lebanon.

Goa, India Bike Week, and Harley Davidson

 

So I spent a lovely weekend in Goa last month, enjoying the India Bike Week 2014 and being a part of the 2nd Annual Harley Owners Group Rally. I know the album is coming in a month late, but like I always say –

BETTER LAZY THAN NEVER.

 

 

 

 

 

Yawn worthy Gunda gardi

1971. Two boys. Doing bhai se bhi zyaada pyaar with each other, land up in Calcutta after Bangladesh is made.

Political drama. Hindu-Muslim love. Refugee camps. Hungry kids dying without food. Gun couriers. Corrupt police officers. Child abuse. Serious art house film, you know.

The two boys become coal thieves.

Bees saal baad…

Bikram and Bala. Super hot, dumb-belled, oiled, bronzed, waxed bodies. Still coal thieves.

They decide to become organized dacoits and take over (read: fight and kabza karoing) a mobster’s thieving business.

Last men standing get the coal, the mobster challenges.

Bro, do we dare? WE DARE!

<Series of high-flying slow-motion jumps-kicks-bitchslaps later>

<After a lot of grunting-shunting-teeth-grinding-muscle-flexing-dhishoom-dhurum-dhoom-dharakka>

Hum Jeet Gaye! Organized crime, zindabad! Let’s run!

Because we are so happy that we took over an illegal coal business, we are running during Holi-cum-Durga Puja!

We open more illegal businesses and provide employment to the gareeb!

We do kusti in the mud to celebrate that.

We get our ration cards. Legally Indian. Legally illegal businessmen. (The writer is legally blonde).

Indian government rocks, bitches!

But now we are bored. Within seconds, we have achieved everything. Calcutta is known only for two things now – Howrah Bridge and Bikram-Bala. Not the roshogolla. Not Durga pujo. Not Tagore-Ray-Communism-Lazy Bengalis-Football. No. Calcutta is known for two illegal businessman with their fans waving Communist flags while they sing-and-dance in designer wear.

And so we are very bored. Enter hot chick.

She is a cabaret dancer at Calcutta Cabaret House. (How creative!)

She dances to assalaamey-ishqum ishqum in Broadway inspired costumes which NO dance bar in Calcutta can EVER afford. But because of her thriving (please read the sarcasm heaped on that word) pop singing career in Hollywood, she has to look all international, na? Isi liye…samjha? 

Yes, this is happening in a dance bar in Calcutta in the 90s. So Believable. Andrew Lloyd Webber Calcutta ghoomney aaye aur gaana compose kiya. Twyla Tharp haath mein haath milaake choreograph bhi kar diya. Kameeno, agar Webber aur Tharp ko nahi pata, jaake chullu bhar paani mein doob maro. Nahi toh abhi Google karo.

Aaaand yes, BOTH the boys fall in love with Nondita!

Oh, and by day, she dresses like a sati savitri, buying flowers in the Howrah flower market.

Ok, so Bikram and Blah-blah, madly in love, wants her to take her pick.

The roop ki rani can have only one chor. No ek phool do maali business! No ulto-palta thingsh in bhodro-shobbho Calcutta. So which mushtanda will it be?

But wait. Did I mention the film has Irrfan Khan?

Yes! Saving grace! He is the police officer brought in specially to get Bikram and Bala in jail. He is always sniffing around. And burning stuff.

Meanwhile, Bala makes a major fuck up when he shoots a chap because he whistled at Nondita because she was dancing to a Sri Devi song IN FRONT of the audience in the Metro cinema WHILE the song was playing on the screen. That was Nondita’s swayamvar gone bad.

Bala obviously has to flee to Dhanbad (which is just a bike ride away from Calcutta, according to the film), but he asks Bikram to hold his horses and not meet or talk to Nondita while he is away, as she still belongs to the BOTH of them. Bikram agrees. Bala leaves.

Haaaave you met Nondita? Can a hot-blooded man ever wait?

Umm, no. So during Durga pujo, they do aarti together.

Because the purohit moshai was taking a luchi-aloo dom break. Because during Durga pujo, like Ekta Kapoor’s serials, men and women coochie-coo over aarti ki thali. 

Now, a double crossing henchman sees all this noshtami-foshtami (colloquial Bengali for ‘fucking around’) and rides to Dhanbad and informs Bala.

Bala is pissed.

Very pissed.

Very very pissed.

Ok. His expressions don’t change. Moving on…

Bala comes back to Calcutta during the final day of Durga pujo and is about to shoot Bikram point blank when Nondita comes in between and gets shot.

Oh. My. God. Ladki dead?

Does it matter? That was the first half of the film. Do you REALLY wanna know what happens after that?

Gunday gets it all wrong. The homage that it meant to be to the melodramatic potboilers of the seventies to the nineties becomes nothing but a forced mockery. The storyline is meh. The performances bleh. The music hummable. The cinematography crackles in places but tends to be self-indulgent. And whoever decided to place the film in Calcutta had NO FUCKIN’ IDEA what the city was in the 90s. Arjun Kapoor has a long way to go. Priyanka breezes through as the role was hardly a challenge. Ranveer Singh proves that he needs a good director reining him. Irrfan Khan is forgettable. 

By the way, those who still haven’t seen the film will thank me for not spilling all the beans. Kahaani ki twists toh maine bataaya hi nahi!

Photo courtesy: Google Images

 

Better Lazy Than Never: Not-So-Lovely and a Soupy Deol Affair

Miss Lovely

I think anticipation killeth a film. It is like living in Andheri and craving for Kyani’s Chicken Cheese Bhurji. You describe it as orgasm to people who have never had it, curse them for being snooty burbies, tell them that it is the best thing their mouths will ever have in them, crib about how long it has been since you had a plate, how ages-eons-eras have passed since you last sat on one of those rickety Kyani chairs gobbling CCB with bun maska, waiting for those lazy waiters to pay attention to your waving hand for a cup of chai. And then, when you accidentally find yourself near Metro one fine afternoon, you rush to K and breathlessly order a plate of CCB. You wait with bated breath and gush about what is about to arrive to your colleague-date-boyfriend-BFF. And then it does. You shovel a spoonful into your mouth. You try dumping some of K’s liquid-y ketchup or salt or pepper but your memories do not quite transfer themselves to your tongue. You feel cheated…a little sad…grossly disappointed. You do not tip the waiter. He scowls.

In a recent interview with Nawazuddin Siddiqui, we spoke extensively about how he is excitedly waiting for Miss Lovely to release. He was a little disappointed by how it did not have a huge promotion budget but ‘der aaye durust aaye’, he said. Better late than never. It was his first film as the lead and he holds the film very close to his heart. The film released a week after I met him. I missed the premiere because of a trip to Goa, but the moment I was back, tickets were bought for an evening show.

At the heart of the film lies a love story that fails to stand the test of ambition, greed and practicality. Based in the C-grade film industry of Mumbai, two lovers share a doomed relationship that suffers disastrous consequences. Therefore, the basic storyline has nothing new to offer. When the climax arrives, you are not shocked or outraged because it is not something you have not seen before. The performances are not laudable. Nawaz has given much better performances and Miss Lovely is definitely his weakest till date (I have erased The Lunchbox from my memory). The supporting cast is mediocre.

But, there is one big fat reason why you will keep watching Miss Lovely till the very end. The cinematography is so addictive, the colours have such a drug-like quality, that you will find it very difficult to not be enamoured by the scenes. Like the opening titles, there is a psychedelic and kaleidoscopic flavor to the colour, the mise-en-scene, and the sequencing of shots. Horror and pornography is presented in a kitsch-y package, shot extensively in neon and warm tones, making filth and ugly look alluring and sensual. The repulsive looks attractive – such paradoxical visual narrative must be applauded.

Have you seen Steve McQueen’s Shame, starring Michael Fassbender as an incorrigible sex addict? In one of the most important scenes in the film, Fassbender is fucking two women at the same time and the camera zooms in on his face – we see sexual pleasure and sheer helplessness. A man who is enjoying what he is doing but also wants to stop doing it. But just can’t. In Miss Lovely, the camera makes a similar statement when it zooms in on Nawaz’s face when he sees his girlfriend as an established performer – he hates her and he loves her. He wants to stop loving her but just can’t.

The cinematography captures the helplessness of our times – when we want to stop destroying ourselves, but just can’t.

One By Two

The film enjoys an interesting premise – the lead characters never meet each other till the very end. We see two independent lives, their independent ups-downs-loves-hates-frustrations-fuck-ups, and how they play a role in each other’s lives without an actual mulaqaat. Funnily, nothing goes wrong with One By Two. The performances are fine. The technical department is fine (the oft-opted for split-screen narrative is even interesting at times). The music is fine too. But the film fails to wow. I won’t say I didn’t enjoy the film. I won’t say I loved it either.

The film does make a statement about how no generation is perfect. I do appreciate how mainstream Indian films have started seamlessly including subjects like illegitimacy, single parenthood, live-in relationships without making a big deal about them. The characters are flawed, like all of us. Why do we never find a way to get over someone even after having our self-respects beaten to mulsh? I don’t know. Why do we just walk away from our loved ones for ambition-fame-success? I don’t know. And it is not my place to judge. One By Two does not judge either. It simply projects the society we live in.

Would I recommend a watch? Yes. Would I watch it again? No.

 

Photo Courtesy: Google Images

 

TLC Awards (Achievements in Film, 2013)

The Lazy Critic Blog establishes two awards this year, celebrating the best and worst of Indian cinema. What the Finger Awards acknowledges the bullshit audiences have been forced to endure. The TLC Awards applauds the best cinematic work of 2013 and hopes for even better films this year.

Woody Allen Award for Casting

Because the man made a very interesting and relevant point when he wrote to the Academy on how Casting should be included as an Oscar category. TLC acknowledges the efforts of casting directors who painstakingly put together the most effective cast for our films. The first Woody Allen Award for Casting goes to –

Honey Trehan for Fukrey

—

TLC Award for Best Choreography

Ganesh Acharya, Terence Lewis, Vishnu Deva and Sameer for Goliyon ki Ras Leela – Ram Leela

—

TLC Award for Best Costume and Make up

Ameira Punvani for David

—

TLC Award for Best Music

Amit Trivedi for Lootera

and

Sanjay Leela Bhansali for GKRL – Ram Leela

—

TLC Award for Best Lyrics

Amitabh Bhattacharya for Lootera

—

TLC Award for Best Screenplay

Bejoy Nambiar for David

—

TLC Award for Best Dialogue

Kunal Khemu, Sita Menon, and Raja Sen for Go Goa Gone

—

TLC Award for Best Cinematography

S. Ravi Varman for GKRL – Ram Leela

—

TLC Award for Best Editing

Arindam Ghatak for Go Goa Gone

—

And now, for the biggies…

TLC Award for Best Actor in a Supporting Role – Female

Richa Chaddha for Fukrey

TLC Award for Best Actor in a Supporting Role – Male

Pankaj Kapur for Matru ki Bijli ka Mandola

TLC Award for Best Actor in a Leading Role – Male

Neeraj Kabi for Ship of Theseus

and

Farhan Akhtar for Bhaag Milkha Bhaag

TLC Award for Best Actor in a Leading Role – Female

Deepika Padukone for GKRL – Ram Leela and Chennai Express

TLC Award for Best Director

Vikramaditya Motwane for Lootera

Special Mention: Dibakar Banerjee for Bombay Talkies

 TLC Award for Best Film

Lootera

and

 Shahid

—

Special Performance Awards

Naman Jain for Bombay Talkies

Sidharth Nigam for Dhoom 3

Riya Vij for  Gippi

—

New Music Talent

Arijit Singh

—

Best Film of the Decade

Meghe Dhaka Tara

Directed by: Kamaleshwar Mukherjee

Language: Bengali

Photo courtesy: Google Images

Wassup Cumberbitches: Reasons Why Benedict Cumberbatch is the World’s Favourite Star

His fans call themselves Cumberbitches or Holmesexuals. They camp overnight outside hotels just to catch a glimpse. Even Tokyo airport was brought to a standstill when he landed in Japan. And women and men are equally enamoured by his charisma.

Yeah, that’s what he calls us.

This is what happened in Japan –

This is how he controlled the fans –

He debuted at the age of twelve as Titania Queen of Fairies in a production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Most kids play camels and sheep in Nativity plays at that age.

Piece of cake, actually.

Besides being a stage, film, television and voice actor, he is an excellent rugby player since his school days and started painting oil canvasses while in Harrow (oh yes, he studied at Harrow).

After finishing school, he taught English at a Buddhist monastery in Tibet for a year before going off to the University of Manchester to study drama. He continued his education in dramatic arts from LAMDA afterwards. Over-qualified much?

Cumberbatch achieved the “Triple Crown of London Theatre” in 2011 when he was awarded the Olivier Award, Evening Standard Award and Critics’ Circle Theatre Award for his performance in Danny Boyle’s Frankenstein.

He has portrayed Sherlock Holmes to Julian Assange, Stephen Hawking to Vincent Van Gogh, Alan Turing to Percy Fawcett on television and film. Talk about being multi-faceted.

His filmography is an actor’s envy. From Atonement, Creation, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, The Fifth Estate, War Horse, 12 Years a Slave, the latest Star Trek and The Hobbit – he has bagged them all.

He is the king of the internet along with being the most searched personality on Google UK. Not to forget that the most popular pages on Buzzfeed today are dedicated to him. And a new Cumberbatch meme is made every day.

Yes sir!

His numbers are equally impressive. The heavily-anticipated first episode of Sherlock Season 3 enjoyed a viewership of 12.7 million. That is the new record, breaking that of Doctor Who in 2002.

Take that!

His television appearances are a visual delight. From a near-perfect imitation of Alan Rickman to making the funniest of faces during stiff-collared interviews, Cumberbatch has done it all. And he strikes up an instant rapport with fellow celebrity guests like Harrison Ford, Tom Hiddleton and the recent Sherlock-on-Sherlock interview with Robert Downey Jr.

Your wish is my command.

Image Courtesy: Google Images and Buzzfeed.com